Following Your Bliss —-or a Doorway to Finding Your Bliss
Going to workshops and classes has always been a norm for me. If I didn’t understand something, then the method for finding a place of balance again was to seek the answer. By taking a class or digging into the rows and rows of books at the library to find the answer was my research process. Then, when I could afford to buy the books I would devour their contents to seek the answers. I have lived with the question “why” as long as I can remember. However, this word “why” did not fit or sit well in the home and culture I was raised. In fact it was detrimental.
So when years later I was at a crossroads in my career, this workshop sounded like the perfect class to find an answer to this growing anxiety at work. “Follow Your Bliss”– what could be better than that? It began on a Friday night and was to run until Sunday afternoon. Bring pillows and anything you need to make yourself comfortable, even a stuffed animal. This should have been a warning sign that this was not going to be a “job” hunting workshop. I missed the signs.
We took our places sitting on the floor in a circle and the usual getting to know the group began as we introduced ourselves. It is funny how we are so habitual in our seating for this is now our “spot” for the class. We seek out the same people each time we form the circle. A meditation took us to unwinding a ball of string that was knotted and tangled that symbolized our lives—didn’t see a new job here. As we finished this first evening going even deeper into our selves, this meditation had us climb up some stairs and open the door at the top of the steps—I couldn’t open the door. Tears began streaming down my face and I could not stop them from flowing—what just happened?
I am getting that this is not going to be about getting a new job—this is scaring me because it is something much deeper. You know how you have paid for something, so you might as well go, so I did. Again, I learned from the man next to me, a Viet Nam vet who had witnessed his best friend being blown apart and never had the time to grieve or even talk about this tragedy. As we went through the day’s exercises a bond was formed between us, a bond of trust and this was a workshop that was designed to “rooter-root” the deeper self. To find the lost pieces of self—I am fine I told myself. Not so as the day progressed and I held in my arms this wounded man as he sobbed in his grief—this was a loss of his soul and no one had heard his cries. Then it was my turn, as we went through one more meditation and this time my inner child cried out to me and asked me why I had left her—now my tears flowed.
This workshop had me terrified—it is stirring and opening wounds that had been buried so deep within. This is a weakness, a place of vulnerability. I was not going to go back on Sunday. Do I go back into this womb of a room and allow myself to be safe? After a discussion with my husband something inside said go finish the class. On the way to the class there was a license plate on the car in front of me that said “If you are on thin ice, you might as well skate”. I was on thin ice and I needed my pillow and more.Door follow bliss
Pretending to be okay by keeping the mask in place to protect the wounded child and now the adult it had cracks in it that revealed the shadows of wounds deep within. The child that witnessed and received the verbal and physical abuse wanted to be heard.
Years later on a Sunday morning the family decided to go to a Psychic Fair in Colorado Springs. As we stepped into this fair of scents of incense and ‘gongs’ ringing out, I met a numerologist and in those fifteen minutes she gave me keys to the door. Now I had some tools to seek the answers to my own self understanding. I opened the door —
“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security”, Gail Sheely